Finding Your Truth

There have been mand questions, flying around in my energy, and my mind, consuming my thoughts, for a while. What is the journey I am on? How do I comprehend the 'point' of my existance?  Is there even a point to my existance? How do you know what's 'right' and what's 'wrong'? I have narrowed all these questions down to one simple, yet complex question:

WHAT IS YOUR TRUTH?

I have realized that the answer to this question is different in every single person. Some people, as for example a new friend of mine, believe that the truth is found through Christ, that he, and god, are the answer to all. Others believe that Science, medicine and technology show you the truth. Others, like myself, believe that the truth lies in the beauty, balance and paradox of the universe. Although some people's answers to this may run parralel to each other, each one is still swayed by preception, and in that alone, they all are amazingly and beautifully, different. You must remember that there is no 'Right' or 'Wrong' Truth, for each being has their own Truth. As long as you are completely and amazingly honest, brutally honest in all things, then you are the only one who can truly define your TRUTH.
Finding your truth may be your journey for this life time, or perhaps your journey is living your truth. For some people their journey is simply discovering that there is a truth.
For me, and I'm sure for many people, the truth is not an easy thing to find. There are so many roads and paths and hills to walk, and walk and walk and walk. (and keep walking). It is an amzingly lonely and sometimes difficult journey, one where you have little idea where you will end up, or how you are going to get there. But this journey is not without hope. In your life you will meet many guides, presented by the universe, to you, as aids on your journey. These guides will not always be nice, friendly and encouraging signs that say "Yes, that's it, keep going!" no, more often then not these guides will be hard, trying events that leave you bloodly, sweaty and disoriented. Completely  ready to throw in the towel. They test your resolve, seemingly to ask the question, repeatedly, and loudly, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR TRUTH? if your answer is, eventually, a loud resounding NO, then you need to keep searching, for that was not your truth...These guides will question your honesty, until you discover your own naked, vulnerable and true TRUTH. But if, in your heart, and soul, in the very center of your being, you are answering with a loud resounding YES, then without hesitation, you will keep walking, keep pulling, and keep moving, the guide will find you worthy and you will be left with your faith, shaken to the roots, but holding stronger then ever, for in YOUR truth, there is no resolve, there is only love.
You will meet guides that will, for one fleeting second, give you just enough strength to carry on, these are the glimpses of beauty and strength and courage that keep us going, tell us not to give up. You will meet guides who will come into your lives and push you in the right direction, these are the trials, the tests and the tribulations. You will meet guides who will anchor your journey, who will be your rock and your strength, ones who will remain when all else has failed you, until you are ready to take the next step without them.
Guides are not always people, although they can be. They can be people we know, or people that we had no idea existed until we happen to chance upon them. They can be animals, events, thoughts, energy, even the weather, guides can be anything and anyone and can happen into your lives at any moment, only when you need them. Guides will not hand you anything that you cannot handle, but rather, the way we CHOOSE to handle them can be our strengthening, or our undoing. It is up to you. The universe will show you your path, but you must be open and willing to listen.

Saying "Yes!" to Life

"Be here as you are, let life come to you as it is and say 'Yes!' to it. No matter what shows up in life, remain vulnerable, real and honest. There is nothing to resist; nothing to avoid; trust the strength in you that is sizeless."
 - Christine Wushke

I read this quote every morning before I begin my day. Months ago I agreed to say "YES!" to life, I am discovering now that saying YES does not only include the 'good' things in life. It also encompasses the 'bad' and the 'ugly'. There are a lot of questions still, why do these things happen? Why to me? What do they mean? I have slowly begun to stop questioning and to simply accept. I have begun to see the balance in allowing things to simply be as they are and that the situation that seems dire has two sides, just as the situation that seems good has two sides. In allowing myself to say yes, I say yes to feeling everything. Happiness, heartache, love, loss, anger, optimism, sadness.... the list goes on. Sometimes it's not pretty, but there is still a divine and complete beauty in that alone. So many of these lessons are coming together now, feeding off each other, intertwining into complex, yet simple, maps, codes and pictures that are all defining me, yet at the same time, they are each individual and perfect and amazing... and yet the simply are as they are, just as a circle is never ending, but it still must have a beginning and an end.

I am beginning to believe that saying YES to life is simply allowing life to become acceptable to you, not sweating the small stuff, but still willingly feeling every emotion. It is allowing things to work out on their own, but also taking an active role in helping them to do so. All in all I believe it is realizing the Paradox of life it's self, the perfect balance, that is also perfect imbalance.

The Power of Preception

I'm on the next stage of the journey, the part where I truly believe that I am learning that preception is everything. How you precieve the world is how the world is, at least to you. If you go in only looking for the bad, the negative, the 'wrong' in the world that is what attaches itself to you, sticks to your soul and colors your vision. When you go in looking for the beauty and the grace and the light, sure you might 'overlook' the darkness, or maybe, just maybe, you just realize that even in darkness, even in negativity, there is a certain kind of beauty. It's phenominal to me how different the world looks through different sets of eyes. So, how do you see it? Will you precieve only the 'bad' and none of the 'good', or will you search for the balance in all things and realize that there is no 'good' or 'bad' that things just are. There is beauty and there is truth and there is honesty. And there is also none of those things at all. What color will you create your tinted glasses?

Things the Horses have Taught Me

I have learned so many lessons over the years from the horses, but it has only been in the last year, when I have be able to stop, shutup and really listen to them, that I have learned the most. It has not been an easy journey, but on the same hand, it has not been a hard journey. It has been a journey that involved everyone, and a journey that involved only me and my horse. It has been a pardox of life, and a realization of balance. The horses are my teachers, they are my guides, and they are my partners.

Important Life Lessons, as Taught by Horses

by Kolina Crowe

Love Unconditionally, with your whole heart. Completely and irrevocably. Do not be afraid to love with all that you are. Allow yourself to feel and experience love and all of it's emotions.

It is okay to feel. It is okay to open up those dark corners of your self, to grieve, to relive them and to find closure in letting them go. It is okay to heal. You will not fall, for even while you are down, I will hold you up.

Trust in yourself, trust in your methods and trust in this journey. Trust that all things work out, that all things have a purpose, and that all actions and happenings have a reason.

Let go of your past, it is time to look ahead to the future. Some paths meet and continue on together. Some paths are destened to only to cross. Either way, these meetings will alter you if you allow them to. They allow you to grow, and show you parts of the journey that you could not see alone. They will come to a beautiful end, but even that, in its self, is a part of the journey.

Live with Patience, some things need to work themselves out. You can not rush or hurry that which is meant to be.  

Allow yourself to live in the moment, forget control, forget ego, forget pride, forget expectation, forget agenda. Be Your Self in this moment, and in all moments.

Change is essential to all things. Change allows us to grow. Change allows us to realize our own potential. Without Change, there would be no Journey.

'journey'

Deciding to Move On

For those of you who know me personally, you know that Scooby (9 year old sport horse Gelding) and I have been on a profound journey together. You also know that at the begining of this all, we agreed that this journey was a temporary fixture, meant as a catalyst to help Scooby to find his true place in this world, and his person to help him do it. About three weeks ago Scooby decided that he was ready to find his person. He decided that our Journey together was coming to an end and that it was time for both of us to continue on our seperate journies. It was almost scary how well things worked out, I posted Scooby for sale with an ad of what he was looking for specifically in his 'forever' human partner. The first and only lady that responded, was the first and only lady who came to look at him. At first I was apprehensive. She seemed loud, boisterous, almost over the top. Not what I expected. Definately not what I thought Scoob would want, but I decided to give her the bennifit of the doubt. Obviously Scooby knew what he was doing, and why he had inadvertantly called this woman here. "Just trust it." Again, with the trust. We had to wait for about an hour while the woman's retreat finished up in the arena, and it gave us time to talk. Although she had a crusty, loud boisterous exterior, inside she was that excited little girl who was shopping for her pony. She had a deep love and respect for the horses, but was not inclined to treat them as anything but horses. I began to see why Scooby had picked her. As we talked more and more, the pieces seem to keep clicking and clicking and clicking into place. I'll admit I was still apprehensive. All those old 'What ifs?' came rearing up. I was reluctant to admit that he would be better off where he wanted to be. I was reluctant to acknowledge the fact that I felt a need to control where he went, how he went and who he went with. I got a little caught up in the old stuff.  Scooby had decided that he wanted his person, now all we needed was for her to decide that she also wanted him. This is a big decision, and it took her a few weeks to make it, but finally she did. She told me that it just 'felt right' and that she knew when she came to look at him that 'he was the one' but she just wanted to make sure. I could relate to all of that. Yesterday she came to pick him up. I had told Scooby two days before that he was going to his new home on Sunday. On Sunday morning he was waiting. Happy, soft and completely relaxed. He was ready to go, impatiently shoving his head in the halter, and practically dragging my friend Amber all the way down to the barn. While in the barn he continuously looked out the windows, still relaxed and happy, looking for something (or someone!). When she finally arrived he couldn't wait to get on the trailer, trying to get on before the doors where even open all the way. All of this just proves to me, or rather, re-confirms in my mind, that horses DO have an understanding of what is going on. They DO know when things are happening, and they DO expereince emotions along with those events. If we where so deluded about this aspect of it, what else are we missing??

The Next Step For Scooby

I'm not really sure what I want to write on today, there's nothing that says I have to, but I sure would like to! There's so many ideas for post topics, so many things that I could touch on, try to explain, or even just offer personal insight on. Today, tho, they can't figure out which one wants to step forward and volunteer. So, until they decide, I'll just tell you about my very cool expereince with my boys yesterday.
I've mentioned Scooby before in previous posts, He's a 9 year old Sport Horse Gelding in search of his soul. Arik, my 6 year old Warmblood, is a confident journey facilitator. Arik and Scooby have been working together and for the last five days, since Arik arrived back at Liberty, they have been working hard on something. They are basically attached at the hip, going everywhere and doing everything together. Usually they are off a distance from the herd just quietly grazing together. I've been bringing them in together, we've been going into the Arena and simply enjoying being together. A couple days I had friends come with me, One, Amber, was having a hard day and Arik took it upon himself to help her work through it. There was a lot of yawning and quiet energy that day. That same day, Scooby came in and was angry, sad, I'd almost say depressed looking, he simply followed Arik around and stood in his energy, letting it go.
So anyways, they've been coming in together, and working together on lots of stuff. They've been helping Max, a clients horse, get over his over the top anger issues, and they've been helping each other with something profound. Yesterday I go out to get them, intending to bring only Arik in for some one on one time, but Scoob isn't having any of this. He walks with us all the way to the gate, not once stopping, not once looking back. I don't have another halter, but it's obvious that he feels he needs to come in. I need to trust that he knows what he is doing. The old stuff starts to come up a little bit. In the old stuff you do NOT take your horse anywhere unless he's on a halter and proporly secured. It takes a lot for me to open that gate and let him out, but I do it. He comes all the way in, all by himself. He eats his grain, standing, untied, unhaltered and completely free in the hallway. He comes into the arena to play on his own free will, with the big door to back outside, and his herd, open behind him. That, my friends, is such an amazing experience. That, my friends, is what time and patience allows the horses to offer. That, my friends, is simply, breathtakingly profound.

Beautiful Sunset

Allowance

Allowance is an important concept on the road of the spiritaul journey. Allowing things to just be as they are is probably one of the most difficult things to do. It begins inside, within you, as you are. It begins with Honesty. Honesty with yourself is the first step to allowance. Honesty must be obtained in all things, your thoughts, actions, way of existing. You must be willing to allow things to have an honest purpose, whether they are precieved as good or bad, positive or negative. With honesty comes acceptance. Acceptance for these things as they are, acceptance that we cannot control, we cannot force, we cannot bind or hinder the purpose of things. We cannot decide why things are as they are, we cannot decide what things should be. After we have fully accepted honesty, and acceptance, we can then move onto allowance. This is different then acceptance. In allowance we go above accepting things as they are, and actually give them full permission to be as they are, for the purpose they are. We allow everything to be within its purpose, we allow the control to dissipate, we allow the things that are meant for us to resonate within us, we allow change to occur, we allow balance and enlightenment to begin.