Ahhh yes. The real question I've found myself asking lately is "WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?" The point of life. The point of existance. What does it all matter?! Somedays it all seems like a bad joke of a science experiment. We're born, we live (most of us, lets get this straight, not proudly or well) and then maybe we add a little to the population, and then we die. What's after death? I have no idea. But this entry is not about the point of death, as death is the beautiful balance of Life, this entry is about LIFE. In today's world there is no emotion, no feeling, little compassion. People live quickly, extremely and with little to no regard for how their actions impact others, or even themselves. We are obsessed with living longer, denying nature and making money. Its a vicious and violent circle. So where does it stop? To me, when I see all this negative energy flying around, bouncing off of people, places and things, I really truly wonder what the point of life is. For people, in society, it has become poisonous. Most days it seems like there is no honesty left in the world and that no matter how open and honest and true you are, people just take and take and take and take until you have nothing more to give. The pursuit of happiness has been sadistaically warped into the pursuit of denial, materialism and disregard for life itself. For most people, there is no happiness.
I have been lost lately, lost while still on my journey. So perhaps not lost, but paused. Paused contemplating the meaning of it all. Paused watching the world self destruct. I remain in pause until I decide to take a step forward, or to take a step backward. Forward, onward and upward, forward into the world to help, heal and teach where I can, or backwards, drawing away from it all, back in to myself, where there is only me and my sensitive energy and the heartbreak of not fighting. I'm still paused, looking for that trigger that says to me, STEP.... FORWARD. That's my answer. FORWARD with strength and resiliance and positivity, and LOVE, because I have realized that I do not need to CHANGE THE WORLD, but perhaps bringing a little light to the beings that I can will help to change THEIR worlds. I see my calling, a teacher, a student and a guide. Never staying so long that we will take the path together, but Staying long enough to point you in the right direction. The rest is up to You, I can't force you to see it my way, I can't make my words have more meaning or less meaning, I can only tell you what I know to be my truth. I will no longer allow people with negativity or dishonesty to take parts of me with them, for I am strong and pure and true to who I am. I realize that all things, balanced, beautiful and simply there, matter. That I matter. That my ART matters. I will continue to be true and open and honest and I will have faith.
