"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." - Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and self discovery lately. It's really put a lot of things into perspective for me. I've learned so much about myself and how I see the world in the last few months that some days it is hard to process all the information. I don't feel it would be productive to create a list of all the things I've come to realize in the last little while, but I will touch on some of them and how they have affected my life. I feel as if in the last while I've really learned what life is, tasted the purpose of it, lived a little bit of it, and now I can not give that up. It's like a drug, but of the very best kind. The kind that alters your view of the world so predominantely that you'll never see it the same way again. It's really changed my perspective on how I see other people. I have reached a bit of a paradox, on one hand I feel the need to let each person travel their own journey, and if I can help them on any level then I will do so, but only when called. On the other I find a deep rooted frustration and annoyance at people who are content to sit idly by and watch life fall down around them. These people are not happy, many of them realize this, yet they are willing to do nothing to change their circumstance. I met a beautiful soul not that long ago who I had an instant connection with, it was odd to feel this, like we had known each other for a very long time. He was, and still is, a lovely person, but right now he is content to let life steer him where it will. He is unhappy. He says he knows what he wants, but he is unwilling to reach for it, unwilling to take that leap of faith. Unwilling to face that moment where everything hangs in the balance, that moment where you realize that you've lept of the edge and there is no going back. That moment where everything begins to change. It's in that moment that you realize that you can have true happiness, that you can actively participate in your own life. It is in that moment that you realize that YOU HAVE A SAY in how things turn out. People always tell me I'm so lucky to be able to do the things I do. I'm so lucky to travel, I'm so lucky to have such an awesome relationship with my horse, I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky... Okay, YES to a certain point, luck plays into it, but why are we so afraid to go out and MAKE OUR OWN LUCK? When did we start just sitting back and ACCEPTING circumstance? When did we start just sitting back and letting life take us for the ride?
I'll admit I'm the first one to admit that I've had those moments where I just felt like I needed to slam on the breaks and just STOP for a second, reorganize, Look at a bunch of things and then continue on. Unfortunately life does not come with an emergency break. Once you're on those tracks there's no turning back, it's full steam ahead baby. It took me a while to realize that this feeling went away when I took an active role in my life. When I started steering the train, instead of freaking out and worrying about stopping it. I'm not saying it's a prefected science yet, it takes a bit to get used to it, but it's developing.
So the question is, When are you going to start steering? It's not an easy step to take. It means taking responsibility for your life. It means actually living, every waking moment, participating in every experience, the good, the bad and the ugly. It is taking full acceptance for you.
It wont be an easy journey, but in the iconic saying; try, try again.
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